If you don’t like the way the world is, you change it.You have an obligation to change it.You just do it one step at a time.
Marian Wright Edelman
The world that we see is exactly not the same as we perceive. The reality is we frame the world according to our own internal communication. What kind of frame you and I are putting around has the real meaning. If you change the frame of context, the meaning of experience changes instantly. The quality of life will depend upon the frame that we put on experience. The process of providing the frame is known as reframing. Reframing provides shape, size, and impact of experience. This is the reason as to why the same happening has different meaning for different individuals. Reframing makes our mind work in the desired direction. Generally, we have to give direction on two changes. One is situational change or context change and the other is content change. Through both the processes, you can resolve your internal conflicts and change your internal representation and internal communication. One of my friends Naresh Gupta visited me for giving an invitation card for his daughter’s wedding. He had one daughter. In conversation, I said that he would feel alone after the marriage since the daughter will go away. He gave a well-balanced, reframed answer that was fantastic. He said “I am getting a son instead of losing daughter. Now I have both a son and a daughter.” I was really happy listening to such a great reframed answer.
SITUATIONAL REFRAMING
In Saudi Arabia lot of oil wells were found. Of course, it made the land infertile. But if we change the context, we can see that it generated a lot of revenue or foreign currency with which Saudi Arabia could buy loads of grains which cannot be produced over there. Let’s take another reference—in the cities, cow dung is considered as a waste and, of course, everyone hates it. But in most parts of India, this is the most sacred ingredient in religious rituals. Before cooking food, even kitchens, are cleaned with cow dung.
Belief Pattern
My father used to say that Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister of India, used to drink his urine every day in the morning. This may have some scientific reason behind it, because he lived for 99 years and till the last moment he had no wrinkles on his face. It is all about belief. Belief is what makes you resourceful, powerful, and works for you and not against you.
When Edison was failing again and again in the process of inventing the bulb, he used to do a lot of reframing. In a family, if someone dies, everyone cries, but the moment we change the situation and think that the person has gone to heaven and his soul will rest in peace, then everything changes. A lot of rituals are performed on the fourth day and thirteenth day for the person who has died and prayers are offered for his soul to rest in peace. This process conditions the people to believe that their beloved has gone to heaven.
Content Reframing
In a situation, just change the meaning and impact of the happening. Look for opportunity in the situation, instead of loss. Because of this, the negative energy will be converted into positive energy. Emotions will go into a positive frame of mind. If your boss says, “You are an idiot”, then it hurts you. Immediately change the context and think that your boss said it out of love. You know it very well how we feel when our sweetheart calls us an idiot. Life is all about reframing. There was a drunkard, whose girlfriend asked, “Why did you drink yesterday?” He replied, “There are only two reasons to drink. Either you are happy or sad. He said he had both the reasons. Happy because he had met his sweetheart and sad because why did he not meet her till then.” But in the army, when a commander commands, then he does not say move back, rather he says that let us attack the opposite side.
We have to change the way we see the world, listen to the world, and feel the world. And because of this, our representational system is changed and of course subsequently our internal communication is also changed and at the same time our behaviour is totally changed. You can change any experience. You can change any happening. You can change any behaviour, you can control your own brain. You can produce the desired results. Now please reframe the following experiences:
1. “My boss knows nothing—I can do better and can be the boss very soon.” Otherwise, you can always
cry that boss is not good. When Rockefeller asked for a hike in his salary, his boss refused. He reframed this situation, “If I can work for him to make him a boss, why can’t I work for myself to be the boss.” He left the job and became a businessman. Many people complain about the company they work for and their boss but still continue working there.
2. Unfortunately, tax liability has become huge. Reframe this as: You have such a great income that you have a higher tax liability.
3. You have no money to live lavishly. Reframe this as: You have every reason to work and nothing to lose. Let’s refer to a simple point—a gentleman went to a priest and said that he had a problem. The priest said,
“Give me 51,000 rupees and I will pray for you and perform a ritual.” The gentleman said he had no money. Then the priest asked, “Give me 11,000 rupees” Again he refused. Then the priest asked for 51 Rupees. Again he refused. Finally, the priest said “What are you worried for? God cannot destroy anything of yours. You have got nothing to lose. “ Reframing is the way to put meaning to events. It is the most effective communication technique, tool, and philosophy. We can create a highway or we can create a blockage. It all depends on the way we reframe things. All successful people, like politicians, businessmen, teachers,
lawyers, chartered accountants, cost accountants, etc. are big reframers. Generally somebody does reframing for us and then we follow the path and cry. The entire media, advertising, and the PR industry does
nothing but reframe all the happenings. Reframing changes everything from its own paradigm. Laloo Yadav,
Manmohan Singh, L. K. Advani, etc. all reframed political slogans such as “India Shining”. By doing this, you can come to a conclusion about what should you do. You will take up the project with interest rather than frustration.
You will neither spoil your personal life nor professional. You can apply this to any situation. Suppose you are not able to communicate with somebody who is very senior to you. Or you don’t talk to any girls on the pretext that they are arrogant or probably they may refuse you. That feeling of rejection is always there. With reframing you can eliminate all your fears. If your boss becomes unreasonable for a task given to you, instead of cursing him, follow the following steps
• Take the image of your boss and put it on your dining table.
• Assume that he is saying something about your upliftment, listen to his sound, the sound which you liked that time.
• Generate a warm and soft feeling for him.
• Hear him saying that he badly needs your help for the execution of a project.
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