Understanding of an individual’s representation system must be clear, otherwise our communication will not be possible—our communication will always be incomplete and our relationship will fumble.
Many times you can find a boss scolding an employee for not doing his work properly. Both the boss and his subordinate are not able to deliver the required results to each other because they do not understand each other, they do not know what is their primary representation system. The primary representation of both of them does not match. Now, if I am the boss and if I want to get results, I will try to know the person I have to communicate with and the primary representation of that person. If I do not know the representational system of an individual, and our representational system does not match, then in that situation I will not be able to get the work done. Suppose I am a visual but my subordinate is auditory, she would love to tell me stories and if I do not hear her, she will not be comfortable with me.
On the same pattern, if I am a visual and my subordinate is visual then I will get along very well with her. I would like to see the result and my subordinate would like to perform. The worst communication is between a feeling-oriented husband and a visual-oriented wife. The husband will buy flowers with emotions, love, and affection for his wife. He will feel every moment of his journey home. But his wife, being a visual, will look at the flowers and will ask questions. From where did you buy these flowers? How much money did you pay?
Now, needless to explain, the respect of his emotion. It is basically because they don’t understand their individual behavioural pattern. They have to accept each other without any condition and they have to respect the primary representation of each other.
Sometimes in seminars, participants ask whether I can change the nature of a person. I answer, with due respect, “Yes! Everybody changes. Everybody wants to acquire new behaviour. Tell me, don’t you change immediately when somebody very close to you dies? Don’t you start living in their absence? Can you break up your love affair in a planned way?” Life is not always a win-win situation, rather sometimes it is either winning or losing. Life is a journey. It teaches everything in process if somebody understands the meaning of emotional actions. Those who understand emotional actions go on top and those who do not remain at the same place.
I went to Dehradun to write this book Discover the Power Within, which you are reading. I was there about six years earlier also, to write a book on cost management and accounts. To my surprise, I saw the same faces at the grocery shop, medical store, stationary shop, and people at the reception of the hotel. Do you know why they were there? Because they never thought beyond their situation ever in their life. They were busy in thinking about the weaknesses and strengths of the same point and area. They could not think beyond their present periphery. Yes, change happens when you have a burning desire to change and passion and power to take massive actions. This is also known as the killer instinct in the sports
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